Vladimir PUTIN Do you want to save the EU or should I?
Barack OBAMA Go ahead, I can\'t afford it
This week, a viewer informed me they would not be watching this series of The Apprentice. Why could this be? Is it that they’d finally had their fill of people who believe a rewarding career is based on doling out as much misery to their colleagues as possible? Is it because the very concept of [...]
Does anyone truly believe that Ken Clarke doesn’t consider all rape a serious offence? Certainly there was no-one in last night’s Question Time audience who believed he was anything more than a bit of an idiot for allowing his language centres to break down while debating an explosive issue on national radio. Is that a sackable offence? Of course not. Have a listen to [...]
EXT. CLAPHAM COMMON. DAY The Tardis materialises and The Doctor bursts out, followed slightly less enthusiastically by Amy & Rory. DOCTOR London! 1987! The year of The Joshua Tree! Reagan tells Gorby to tear down the wall! The Simpsons are born! And so… He whirls around to point a finger at Amy – …are you. [...]
As a proud son of Stoke, born in its Northernmost town and raised on Oatcakes & Panda Cola, Stoke City losing the FA Cup final is like a stilleto roundhouse kick to the barse after a vigorous knuckle dusting to the kidneys that scarlet stains your pee-pee for a fortnight. Only joking. For me, losing a Chelsea Boot heel to a particularly viscous [...]
How long has it been since Net Roundup #4? Twenty months? A mere flap of a gnat’s wing in the history of this glorious globe. And it’s as if I’ve never been away, because there are still grown men getting hysterically happy over a beard. From the ridiculous to the sublime. Here’s some rare colour footage from the BFI archive. It’s London [...]
My comic for Dialogue Free Comics Day.
Two nights of The Apprentice this week? Oh, M’sieur BBC, you are spoiling us. If you take spoiling to mean testing our limits as to how much psychotic egomania we can consume in one week. Five a.m. at the House of Outsize Egos and there’s a knock at the door; answered by some bloke fully dressed [...]
“I believe I can be the champion thoroughbred this business requires,” says some poor sucker – ahem - wannabe apprentice right at the beginning of series 7. Given that Lord Sugartits is still removing hoof prints from Stuart Baggs’ field full of ponies rushing towards him in the last series, maybe the candidates could leave out the [...]