Oh yes, it was only two months ago that I was pleading with everyone not to vote Tory but you crazed muthas did it anyway, and you couldn’t even do that right. No doubt fighting your own anti-Tory DNA you couldn’t quite manage to vote in sufficient numbers to give the buggers a clear majority and so what have we got? A Liberal Conservative government, that’s what; a stable majority government of white public school-boys who’ve probably been dreaming of power since their first fag-fondlings beneath the Eton sheets. You wanted something different? Unbelievably, you’ve got it.

Against all odds we appear to have two dynamic, comparatively young men leading the country with an apparently genuine wish to put people before politics. Vince Cable is in the Cabinet (although he’s already locked horns with arch-arse Osbourne over his role in banking reform) and we have a promised referendum on evolving the electoral system. We may still be updating Trident and expanding nuclear power but hey, we’ve scrapped ID cards and dumped plans for extra runways at all London airports. Plus, Chris Huhne is Energy & Climate Change Secretary, and all indications are that the Liberals could kerb some of the Tories’ more natural Nazi excesses, so haven’t we got the best of both worlds? A decisive government with a genuinely progressive edge?

Personally, I’m not going to pooh-pooh this coalition just yet. God knows how long it will last, but, for the first time since ’97, I’m actually feeling excited about who’s in the saddle as this country rides the razor’s edge of economic annihilation.

The only wart on this otherwise magnificently tumescent Clegmoron member is the new Home Secretary, Theresa May. Previously best known for her leopard-print loafers, she doubles as Minister for Women and Equalities. Yes, Theresa May, who has consistently voted against gay rights. Theresa May, who, immediately after her marriage, insisted on being addressed as ”Mrs Philip May”. Theresa May, anti-equal age of consent, anti-civil partnerships, anti-gay adoption & lesbian fertility rights, now Minister for Women and Equalities??

Sweet God this can be one heckuva twisted world.