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Archive for: June, 2011

Masterchef Synesthesia

Initially a bit repetitive but it really kicks off from 1’15″ in.

The Apprentice: Runners & Riders

I was sad to see Leon go last week. I’ve always had a soft spot for Orlando Bloom Lite™ but his mute frolicking at Melody’s feet did for him and now he can only wait for the pornmongers to finally greenlight that Hardcore Bloom biopic. I can picture him sitting there, waiting for the phone to ring, worrying about the [...]

God I Hate Glastonbury

Yes, I do. Perhaps I hate life, too? Or people? Surely I must if I despise the communal joy of standing ankle deep in mud squinting through a deluge at a matchstick Bono while my ravaged bowels quiver between the ‘catering’ to my left and the ‘toilets’ to my right, both several hundred feet – and several thousand ‘revellers’ [...]

The Perfect Adam Curtis Pisstake

Now I love Adam Curtis, I really do, and you should check out his recent series – All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace – starting with episode two here. It really will open your eyes to certain elements of the socially constructed bullshit we live with today. That said, as a pisstake, this [...]

Conan goes to College

Has to be one of the longest YouTube video I’ve ever seen, but when Danny Baker described it as “The funniest, wisest most brilliant thing on the entire internet” at least I knew it was worth watching, if only to see if it could match the hyperbole. It very nearly does.

The Apprentice Week 6: Rubbish

This week’s episode is entitled ‘Rubbish’. Insert your own joke here. Mine is something about last week’s being ‘Junk’, next week’s being ‘Truly Shite’….In fact it emerges this is not the producers trash-talking the contestants but the latest task, which is about rubbish clearance. In a nutshell, the teams need to make the most money [...]

Bond is Back

And so the Ian Fleming Estate lobs the literary Bond franchise at another popularist scribe, hoping award-winning thriller writer Jeffery Deaver doesn’t make the same crushingly disappointing mistake Sebastian Faulks did with his woeful Devil May Care (“Seb? Seb?! Would you mind writing a James Bond book for us?”/”Oh Tim, you know I admire Fleming immensely, but I [...]

Jeremy Kyle: ‘Sexual Contact’

‘At the end of the day’ you’ve got to love the Kyle, the horrendous bear-bating supposed ‘helper’ of the psychologically disenfranchised.

X Men: First Class

First off, 20th Century Fox should give Matthew Vaughn the greenlight of his dreams for bringing this franchise reboot into theatres on time and in such superb shape. Back in February, January Jones told the Canadian Press that Fox were pushing the director to the limit: “Poor Matthew Vaughn is going to have to edit it in three days…I [...]

The Daily Mail Song

Dear Mum & Dad, stop reading it, yours pointlessly, son


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