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Category archives for: Microblog

Hemsworth is Hunt

British World F1 Champion and crazy 70′s playboy James Hunt is to be played by Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth, in ‘Rush’, a Ron Howard directed biopic covering Hunt’s on-track rivalry and off-track friendship with Niki Lauda. Should be a doozy.

Last Orders, finally.

And so, at last, after 9 series and 80 episodes, it’s ta ta Two Pints. No one admitted to watching you, and now they never will. I know I didn’t. To those who refused to be named you were the ultimate guilty pleasure – a comedic chlamydia, if you will – and you will be suitably sorely [...]

No, I won’t

I despise the current Sky1 ads asking me to fork out £20 a month for, primarily, David Walliams’ “newsy, quizzy, gossipy entertainment show”. Twenty Quid. A month. For David Walliams’ eminently punchable face, in my living room, every week, widening an extra smugacious inch with every ego stroke of his showbiz cabal. Twenty quid a month. The NOTW horrow aside, [...]

Tom Cruise is NOT Jack Reacher

There is no way on God’s Earth that anyone should let the Cruiser anywhere near Lee Childs’ hulking ex-marine, and yet talks are taking place as we speak, with even Childs himself claiming that Reacher’s size is merely “a metaphor for an unstoppable force, which Cruise plays in his own way.” Oh just take the cheque, Lee, and shut up.  [...]

Awwwww, Cheryl (hugs)

Cheryl Cole has been dropped from the ‘The X Factor’ in the US due to the incomprehensibility of her accent ’according to reports’. This story is now 24 hours old and, as yet, neither the network nor Cole have commented, suggesting that either a) she’s currently too distraught to publically face the rejection, or b) Cowell’s working the PR machine. Let’s [...]

Fergie The Fantasist

Fergie has furiously tried to ban a journo for asking a question about Ryan Giggs. God bless him for his loyality to Giggsy, but in what universe can he refute the right to discuss a player embroiled in the story du jour? His universe, I guess, which is the only universe in which he’ll be beating Barca on Saturday. [...]

Doctor Frankenstein

OK, last Saturday’s Doctor Who would always struggle to match the previous week’s, but if my government had a secret stash of replenishable matter I’d hope they’d use it for just a little bit more than Health & Safety in a remote acid mine. Just a thought. Don’t shoot me.

The Rapture

Are you still here? At 1800hrs on Saturday 21st May Jesus Christ was supposed to return to earth and gather up all the christian believers to his bosom. They would all then ascend to heaven, while the dregs would have six months to paaaartay before the fiery chasms of Hell engulfed the globe.  As it’s currently 1410hrs on Saturday I would just like [...]


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