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Archive for: February, 2009

Bloody Ryanair

Dateline: 4th September 2012. Air travellers are in uproar over Ryanair’s plans to introduce a ‘cellular charge’, by which passengers have to pay 1p per billion cells in their bodies. As the average human body contains 100 trillion cells, this will lead to most passengers paying an additional £10. Infants would be charged less, but ‘the very tall or [...]


I was thinking about the Belcerebons of Kakrafoon Kappa from Douglas Adams’ “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” (as you do). According to wikipedia “Once a serene and quiet civilization, a Galactic Tribunal sentenced them to telepathy because the rest of the galaxy found peaceful contemplation contemptuous. Ford Prefect compared them to Humans because the [...]

A Tale of Two Headlines

Now & then I hear something that makes me disappointed with BBC Radio 5 Live all over again. This morning it was a story about child neglect (as opposed to abuse) and how the latest poll from the charity ‘Action for Children’ has discovered that a quarter of adults have worried that a child they know may [...]

The Man is Back

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been excited about Clint Eastwood in front of the camera for almost two decades, even though, back in my teens, he was The Man. You couldn’t argue with Play Misty For Me, Josey Wales, Pale Rider, White Hunter Black Heart, and the earlier Harrys – even Sudden Impact, for all [...]

Heath Ledger posthumously awarded keys to my garage

The family of the late Heath Ledger received a standing ovation outside my back door yesterday, as they stepped up to receive the keys to my garage, awarded annually for helping creosote the fence running the length of my driveway. “The cheeky bugger didn’t turn up this year,” I told my son & daughter, “but [...]

“Free Baguette For Every Reader” (Hull Daily Mail)

Although I left home in 1987 to head South to University, I still find myself drawn to the city of my birth and upbringing. Hull. Shortly after arriving at the University of Reading (and Writing) I was asked whether or not my voice was “deliberate”! That was a defining moment. At the age of 18 [...]

Welcome to Gollywog World

Welcome to Gollywog World

The furore may have died down over Carol Thatcher’s inappropriate comments in The One Show’s green room, but it got me thinking about the little Gollywog I had as a child, and whether or not that undeniably loved creature somehow bolstered some form of inherent racism within my prepube form, raised, as I was, in [...]


No actual drawing in this one, so I don’t know if it officially qualifies as a cartoon. Anyone who browses the internet regularly knows that it is littered with these things – so I’ve constructed one of my own in the hope of limiting their future dispersal (I’m not optimistic).

Have I finally gone ‘Full Retard’?

This morning I was seriously considering turning my back on the habit of a lifetime and flogging my PC on ebay because it’s a butt-ugly black box with more fans than a production of The Mikado and a need for wattage to rival Rio De Janeiro. So what if it can play games that are so beautifully rendered I [...]


This one’s actually based on what happened when I left London Electricity. After several phonecalls & letters asking me to stay, I rang them again to let them know I was definitely moving my account & asked them not to contact me again. A couple a days later, yet another letter arrived with a form [...]


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