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Posts tagged as: Alan Sugar

The Apprentice Finale

Well, hell. I missed last Wednesday’s Apprentice, but did I care? No. I was all, hey, I’ve got like a week till the next one, that is like 7 days, what’s the rush, get off my case, did I ASK to be born? You’re RUINING MY LIFE! – ahem, sorry, where were we? Ah yes, [...]

The Apprentice Week 10: Selling Crap

“I’m not lookin’ for bladdy salespeople,” says Sugartits in this week’s intro montage. We can only assume, therefore, that feelings are not cordial between the editors and the producers, because this week’s task is for the teams to take a bunch of market stall reject wares and sell them. “I want you to grow this [...]

The Apprentice Week 9: Bisquits anyone?

Anticipation for this week’s Apprentice has reached an all-time high, as the wannabe tycoons are going to be messing with the sacred object that is the British Biscuit. From the beginning, Zoë is on Suze’s case, “slapping her down like a yapping puppy,” according to Nick, who has decided to rescue us from Sugartits’s simile [...]

The Apprentice: Runners & Riders

I was sad to see Leon go last week. I’ve always had a soft spot for Orlando Bloom Lite™ but his mute frolicking at Melody’s feet did for him and now he can only wait for the pornmongers to finally greenlight that Hardcore Bloom biopic. I can picture him sitting there, waiting for the phone to ring, worrying about the [...]

The Apprentice Week 6: Rubbish

This week’s episode is entitled ‘Rubbish’. Insert your own joke here. Mine is something about last week’s being ‘Junk’, next week’s being ‘Truly Shite’….In fact it emerges this is not the producers trash-talking the contestants but the latest task, which is about rubbish clearance. In a nutshell, the teams need to make the most money [...]

The Apprentice Week 4: Buy Buy

This week, a viewer informed me they would not be watching this series of The Apprentice. Why could this be? Is it that they’d finally had their fill of people who believe a rewarding career is based on doling out as much misery to their colleagues as possible? Is it because the very concept of [...]

The Apprentice Week 2: App Atrocities

Two nights of The Apprentice this week? Oh, M’sieur BBC, you are spoiling us. If you take spoiling to mean testing our limits as to how much psychotic egomania we can consume in one week. Five a.m. at the House of Outsize Egos and there’s a knock at the door; answered by some bloke fully dressed [...]

Le Apprentice

“I believe I can be the champion thoroughbred this business requires,” says some poor sucker – ahem - wannabe apprentice right at the beginning of series 7. Given that Lord Sugartits is still removing hoof prints from Stuart Baggs’ field full of ponies rushing towards him in the last series, maybe the candidates could leave out the [...]


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