Yesterday saw the grand opening of Westfield, the largest indoor shopping centre in Europe. Now normally I wouldn’t be overly gushy about the birth of such a retail behemoth, containing, as it does, more mobile phone shops than your average Daily Mail subber has brain cells, but this one happens to be right on my doorstep. If I were to look out my office window (presuming I had an office window, which I don’t) my very breath would be snatched from my lungs by Westfield’s majestic potential to suck the pound coins from my pocket. But don’t just take my word for it, gaze upon the wonder yourself:

My gusset is damper than a Monet lillipad at the moment and my wife is spraying my Visa card with SmartWater and inserting it into an Albanian drugs mule with two splayed rubber-clad fingers as we speak. The only Richard Widmark on this otherwise spotless panty of a purchasing palace is the presence of an Apple Store… More