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I’m not privy to the exact decision-making process behind commissioning the title sequence of a flagship BBC drama, but, having seen the ‘Waking the Dead’ titles for the first time last week, I can only imagine that it might go something like this…
Commissioning Editor: What we’ve got is a show about detectives, using forensics, to -
Graphic Designer: – like CSI!
CE: Exactly like CSI, but these characters are what’s called a ’Cold Case’ squad – they’re opening up old unsolved cases and bringing long-awaited justice to victims and their families.
GD: Sounds top.
CE: Indeed, so what we need is a snappy blend of bleak cityscapes and intense laboratory action. In fact, take a seat and let’s watch the CSI: New York titles…
CE: That’s what we want. Something exactly like that.
GD: OK. So you want crisp, clean images – bloodstains, bone saws, subways, x-rays, tweezers, hoodies, scalpels, bits of hair and body parts - nothing too graphic though – all flashframes and subliminal gruesomeness, with a glossy CG sheen.
CE: Precisely. With a great soundtrack.
GD: Give me two weeks.
Two weeks later…
CE: ….
GD: So, what do you think?
CE: …You’ve just…I…I don’t know what you’ve done – you’ve just….projected?
GD: - projected, yeah!
CE: - projected their names, onto bits of curtain. In a septic tank. With a few flashes -
GD: Uh huh.
CE: – and some 80′s synth handclaps.
GD: Like it?
CE: ……..Yeah! I love it! Let’s go with it!
GD: Top!
CE: Thankyou so much, you are just so creative.
GD: It was your inspiration man.
CE: Oh please. C’mon, I’ll buy you a Grolsch.
That must have been how it happened. How else could that shambles of a sequence ever have made it onto our primetime screens? In what parochial parallel dimension does that compare to anything Stateside? It makes even NCIS look like the work of Weta. But no, honestly, the main body of the programme is dancing in a Victoria Falls of licence fee cash, so why not throw more than a tenner at anyone other than a couple of pissed projectionists down the docks to make the title sequence more than the national disgrace bordering on treachery it currently is?
I refuse to watch it until this matter is addressed. Unless they do rename it ‘W*nking the Dead’ of course, and then it’ll be on my PVR faster than Sarah Beeny in a bodice.
+++UPDATE: 06.10.09: I’ve actually watched an entire episode and am completely blown away by it. Yes, it’s unremittingly morose, and watching more than four episodes on the bounce would drive any wrist to a razorblade, but the quality of writing & performance is almost stupifyingly high. Bravo Mr Shoestring. The titles are still pants, though. +++
I was late leaving the house this afternoon as I was unable to wrench myself away from the brilliance of last weeks two episodes on iplayer.
Its just a title sequence, get over it and watch the programme for crying out loud! Did you set up a Facebook protest group when Eastenders added the Millenium Dome to its opening sequence?
It must be hell in the Latham household every time Dr. Who returns for a new series. “No Pablo, daddys not angry with you, he’s just a bit emotional, theyve added a snaredrum and some reverb to the Dr Who theme”.
Look Neil, this is a matter of national pride.
Speaking as a man who spent his childhood recording and cataloguing theme tunes in alphabetical order to a five star system, I know my themes, and this aural abomination is not only woefully anachronistic but also the kind of one-man-synth-band dreck that you could find on any free library CD (probably labelled ‘suspense’) in any edit suite in the world.
And then there’s the visuals that make ‘Tales of the Unexpected’ look 23rd Century. Zero-CG, with pitiful flashes and pointless ghosting, capped by a crapulous magnifying glass across the title effect that my 16 month old son could probably come up with while straining to fill his nappy.
The Yanks are laughing at us my friend. It makes me ashamed to be British.
Also, you might say I shouldn’t judge this particular book by its cover, but I don’t really care how great the book is if I’m unlikely to be holding it very long because the cover’s smeared with pigshit. The titles should stand for something – they should be an indicator of the content’s quality – or what’s the point of them?
Roomy
You may something of interest here: http://cosmobells.blogspot.com/2009/09/great-british-experience.html
and definitely here: http://cosmobells.blogspot.com/2007/11/heres-quickie-before-i-bugger-off-to.html
Aaaaah thank you Head Chef. My need for themes is sated. Having kids has sadly curtailed this hobby, but, hopefully, I can pick it up again as they go back to school. It’s a bit of a saddo one, to be sure, but it was based as much on film as TV themes (I remember smuggling an ancient dictaphone into a screening of Disney’s mind-sucking Michael Crawford vehicle ‘Condorman’, and also ‘Bladerunner’ when it was first released) so maybe I could evolve it into a soundtrack collection.